Confidence – 10 Ways To Grow Your Confidence Muscle

At the heart of what pushes you out of your comfort zone, lets you take risks, makes you feel great, and helps you reach your true potential and life dreams…..

Is CONFIDENCE. 

At the heart of what can stop you getting the most out of your life….

Is CONFIDENCE. 

Such a little word really, but how much importance it holds! In Sheryl Sandberg’s book “Lean In”, she cites an interesting statistic:

“An internal report at Hewlett-Packard revealed that women only apply for open jobs if they think they meet 100% of the criteria listed. Men apply if they think they meet 60% of the requirements.’”

For many of us it’s not that we totally lack confidence. And it’s not a character trait. Confidence is like a muscle, we all have muscles, and like any muscle it needs to be worked on to build it up. 

By working on your confidence, you can build it up.

You can then flex it when you need it.

So here are 10 ways you can build your CONFIDENCE:

C – Clarity. 

Sit down and get clarity on what the triggers in your life are that increase, or suck out, your confidence.

• Make a list.
• Do a mindmap.
• Journal.

(Whatever works for you).

• Is it being with a certain group of people that brings out your confidence?
• Does a particular work situation make you feel like you have no voice?
• Are there certain clothes in your wardrobe that make you feel fat? Or strong? Or sexy??

Work out what makes you feel confident and do more of it, work out what makes you feel unconfident and do less of it. (Simple but effective).

O – Own your self worth.

Identify, challenge and externalise your critical inner voice. We all have that voice that nit picks, loves to remind us of our flaws, puts us down, saps our confidence.

Whenever you notice that voice kick into gear – make it pause for a moment and ask yourself:

• is there any basis in fact
• Is it being kind or not?
• Is it telling you something you need to know?

If none of these are true, then firmly tell it it’s not helpful or needed and send it on its way!

N – No!

If you find setting boundaries a challenge, start by saying no to small things.

This helps to build your confidence so you can start to say no and set boundaries around the bigger things. 

F – “Fake it ‘til you make it”.

I invite you to watch Amy Cuddy’s 15 minute TED talk on this, it’s really interesting (certainly 1.5 million viewers think so!)

The theory is that if you act/imitate being confident, it will eventually feel real.

There’s also scientific evidence to support doing ‘power poses’ to increase confidence (a change in posture can lead to a change in attitude).

You could try the yoga warrior poses 1, 2 and 3 for example. 

I – “Inside explorer”.

Increase your self awareness –

• Are you distorting reality?
• Do you have any inaccurate thinking that needs undoing?
• What stories are you telling yourself that get in the way of your confidence? (e.g. I’ve never been able to stand up in a room full of people and talk).

The next time you feel unconfident, ask yourself why?

The next time you feel CONFIDENT, ask yourself why?

Keep a note and then reflect back. Are there any patterns? 

D – Don’t tolerate toxic people

Stay away from people that suck your confidence. People that put you down either directly or subtly.

If it’s not possible to stay away, then practise building a ‘force field’ around yourself when you’re with them.

E – Expand your circle.

Spend time with people that have the kind of confidence you admire. What can you learn from them?

N – Nurture your growing skills.

Dictionary definition of “nurture”: care for and protect (someone or something) while they are growing.

So be kind to yourself and gentle as you practise and build your confidence. Change won’t happen overnight, remember Rome wasn’t built in a day, from small acorns great oak trees grow. If you take 1 step forward today, and repeat that over a year – you’ll be 365 further forward than you are today. 

Remember – consistency is better than intensity.

C – Celebrate success…

your own, this shows that you’re proud of yourself, back to owning your worth. Celebrating success doesn’t have to be a grand gesture like a day out at an expensive spa or drinking a bottle of Champagne (although of course it can be!) It could be telling someone what you’ve done that you’re proud of, a social media post, giving yourself some ‘me time’ when you wouldn’t normally. 

And also celebrate others’ success, this shows that you’re not playing the comparison game (which sucks out confidence). 

E – Energise yourself.

Allow yourself time to recharge. Running around trying to do it all is overwhelming and sucks out all your energy.

It’s hard to feel confident when you’re tired, stressed, and worn down.

So much confidence comes from feeling physically and emotionally healthy. So you have permission to spend some time on self love and self care 🙂

ACTION – putting all this into practice: 

(because applying, testing and practicing what you learn, will take you from information to transformation)

• Pick 1 thing from above you’d like to try to increase your confidence.

• Do this thing every day for a week 

• At the end of the week reflect –

  • Is your confidence muscle feeling bigger?
  • More toned?
  • What’s changed?
  • What can you do now to keep building/toning it?

Be consistent and you’ll start to see and feel the positive effects ripple out into all areas of your life. 

Go confidently in the direction of your dreams and live the life you’ve imagined!

And enjoy the journey!

Helena x