Time for CHANGE? TIPS to conquer your fear and go forth!

“If you always do what you’ve always done, you’ll always get what you’ve always got”

I used to handle change very well indeed.

I embraced it. Lapped it up. Wrote it on my CV under ‘key skills’. I could handle change and I actively chased it.

In fact I actually craved it.

I loved the thrill of the unknown – trying new things, exploring new places, meeting new people, opening doors not knowing what was on the other side.

Why am I talking about change right now?

My life is about to change, again!

And I’m nervous, and excited, and scared, and anxious, and chomping at the bit to get started. I’m a dichotomy of emotions (thank God for the HRT!)!

But what’s got me thinking about change isn’t just the fact it’s happening, but the way I’m reacting to it. Especially compared to how I used to.

Until recent years I haven’t had to “handle change”, I’ve just taken it on smoothly and seemingly without fuss. (At least that’s what I remember!)

So what’s changed??

I’ve been reflecting on all this, and in this article I’m sharing with you what I’ve been doing to manage my life change, so you can hopefully find some useful take-aways to help you.

Life Before Children (LBC)

In those heady, steamy, boozy, party, exciting, non commitment, flighty days in the LBC stage of my life, change was something that gave me a high. It made me feel alive, it made life and the planet a very exciting place to be. I didn’t feel like I had to ‘handle change’, I just went with the flow.

Life After Children (LAC)

Change. Please give me lots of warning you’re coming as I’m not sure I want to see you. You’re a bit scary. I don’t belong to you anymore I have other people that need me! 

Self quote – Life After Children

In LBC I had no one else to think about really, I could be selfish, I could concentrate all my energy, emotions and time on me. I could follow my dreams without thinking. I could change what I didn’t like without worrying about the impact on anyone else. 

What’s more, I could run away from problems. And people.

In LAC, there are many other considerations, and people, so I can’t. To start with I have these guys.

I don’t think I’m the only woman (or man for that matter), that feels like this. Something shifts when you have kids. In fact something shifts when you get older, full stop!

No one wants to be old before their time, doing the same-old-same-old every day and waking up in 25 years thinking ‘where the hell did the last quarter of my life go?’

We all want a bit of excitement in our lives, at least I know I do!

It’s about balancing your excitement and desire for new adventures and the unknown, with your need to feel secure within your comfort zone. 

So how do you handle significant change, especially when you hit your 40’s and you’re used to living in your snuggly warm comfort zone?

Here’s what’s been working for me:

♥ Talking about it as much as I can with anyone that will listen! (including strangers/ animals/ trees!) For me its made the worry part of my life change much smaller. Also, when you talk to different people you get different thoughts and perspectives and ideas coming back at you.

♥ Taking control instead of waiting to face the unknown. For me this has been spending some time up front researching and planning. Visualising and imagining scenarios and how I might handle them. Like my good old Girl Guide days – be prepared!

♥ Putting the change into perspective (will anyone die if I mess up? This is an opportunity not a problem!). Trying not to get caught up in the what ifs and maybes and remembering the worst that might happen is probably not that bad at all.

♥ Staying focussed on the positives and why I’m doing it – positivity breeds positivity we all know that (we’ve just got to remember to do it!) Positive self talk. Self hugs. Self kindness.

♥ Telling people I love how I’m feeling so they can support me in the way that I need. For me that meant telling hubbie that I’m worried, and that the emotion might come out as Snappy Shouty Wife in the next week or so. (‘What’s new there?’ he said. Trying to be funny. Failed).

For me it also means having some time to myself to do the planning bit and get my head in the right space. (Great unarguable excuse to get some alone time and go out walking too! Ha ha).

♥ Reflecting on other Changes I’ve had in my life and drawing on my experience. For me, I remember being petrified about doing a presentation to senior colleagues. A team mate was bewildered that I could be scared of something so seemingly trivial having just gone through a year of breast cancer treatments. Fair point, looking back. That point still stands today.

♥ Writing it out! (e.g. journaling). Doesn’t have to be a blog article like this, it could be in a notebook, or just on a scrap piece of paper. Writing down how you feel is cathartic, it makes the big things feel smaller. It can help you prioritise problems, fears, concerns, as well as manage stress.

♥ Ultimately, remembering I don’t want a boring life where nothing ever changes except my waist line and the number of wrinkles round my eyes.

What do you want??

Change begins at the end of your comfort zone

So take a deep breath, smile, and do a running jump right into that Change…!

Get in touch and let me know any tips you can share back, I’d love to hear from you!

Helena x

Helena@starttheripples.com