Why should you keep a diary/ journal?
Why keep a diary/ journal?
“Fill your paper with the breathings of your heart.” (William Wordsworth)
When can you truly be yourself than when you’re with yourself, writing to yourself, about yourself?
My diary* and I met at middle school, age 9, and its become my best friend. Its stuck with me through all the great (and stupid) things I’ve done, thought and said, and been there for me through the biggest life changing events a girl could ever have. I guess you could call it one of my oldest and bestest friends.
(*For me it’s always been my ‘Diary’, others may call it a ‘Journal’. In my world they are one and the same!)
“I want to write, but more than that, I want to bring out all kinds of things that lie buried deep in my heart.” (Anne Frank)
Where else can you release those pent up feelings, destructive emotions, embarrassing thoughts without hurting anyone else?
“Never forget that writing is as close as we get to keeping a hold on the thousand and one things — childhood, certainties, cities, doubts, dreams, instants, phrases, parents, loves — that go on slipping, like sand, through our fingers.” (Salmon Rushdie)
How will you remember all the big and tiny details of your wonderful, painful, exciting life if you don’t have anywhere to store it but in your memory?
Where can you capture your wildest dreams, ideas, visions, thoughts, secrets…
Why I started writing a diary
I was given a diary for my birthday and I started writing in it. I didn’t think about why I was doing it, I just did it. And I enjoyed it. So I kept on doing it.
And so started a journey that I’m still on today!
My diary writings began with all the things I was feeling about my friendships, and all the things I was feeling about boys. (Remember giving them marks out of ten?) Funnily enough very little has changed over the last 40 years!!
My diary today
Since middle school my diary has watched me go from a child to a woman. Its supported me during my university days, explored with me travelling through Europe, Australasia and New Zealand, and it continues to hold my hand today.
Over the years my focusses and challenges have morphed and changed, as they would as you grow older, but fundamentally nothing has really changed in so much as my diary is still where I:
- Let go of my hurt
- Vent my anger and my frustrations
- Ask myself questions and work through problems
- Ruminate
- Capture ideas and dreams
- Record snapshots of things I particularly want to remember
- Spend time with myself
I use words, I draw pictures, I use bullet points, I use CAPITALS and underlines to get my point across (to myself!!), there are pointy arrows, I can be very neat, or I can scrawl.
I’m free in my diary.
Is it important what you write in or on?
Yes. (In my opinion!)
Why? Ownership. Ownership creates the feeling of control, commitment, that you’ve got skin in the game. It makes the ‘thing’ important. Much has been written about Ownership, particularly from a business perspective and how companies get buy-in from employees through employing ownership principles. It’s the same concept with your diary.
A diary is an extension of yourself, you need to feel it belongs to you, how better to achieve that than to write in something you relate to and that you want to write in? Remember the Homework Book at school that you coloured in/ graffiti’d on? Why did we do that? It creates that Ownership 🙂
Over the years the look and feel of my diaries has changed, from the Flower Fairy and cuddly bear frontages of the early years (previous photos), through the rice paper diaries when I travelled around Asia and the personalised ones (photo above), to my current diary (the main blog photo).
Personally I prefer to write on blank paper, I like the paper to be thicker than normal, and I like the diary itself to be colourful. I also like to write with a black, not blue, biro. Never rollerball. (Ha ha who’d have thought that you could even have an opinion on this stuff??)
The important thing is it’s what you like.
Is it important how often you write?
No. (In my opinion!) I don’t believe there are any hard and fast rules about a schedule; as long as you write when you want to write, not when you feel like you should, then you’ll get the benefits from having a diary.
I imagine there are different schools of thought on this one. When I look back at my diaries where there are multiple entries within short timeframes, something big is happening (usually during a ‘Life Is Bad’ period). On the other hand, when there is famine on the page, it’s because nothing big is happening (i.e. I’m going through a ‘Life Is Good’ period!).
I think I use my diary predominantly to help me through The Bad. Although over the last few years its biggest job has been to help me organise my thoughts and creative ideas, and shoo away my mind monkeys.
Looking back at my diaries
You know, I rarely used to look back at my diaries. I thought of my diary more as a ‘moving forward’ tool than something to learn from. I’ve subsequently changed my mind a bit on that.
I also used to cringe at some of the Old Me. (Easier to forget if I don’t read over stuff). Again, I’ve subsequently revisited those feelings.
I’m now looking back on my diaries a lot as I’m using them to coach myself, and to move forward with ideas that come up.
However what happens if I die suddenly?? Part of me thinks ‘oh shit I need to write into my Will that they must be burnt with me‘! Another part of me thinks ‘what an amazing legacy to leave my children, hubby, friends and family‘. They will truly know me. No holds barred. Heart and Soul.
I think I prefer the amazing legacy.
Helena x
Book in a virtual cuppa with me (free) and let me know your thoughts on journaling. I love hearing how other people use theirs.
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My (Hopefully) Useful Learnings
» What a diary looks like physically is important – choose it well, make it yours. You want to love it and want to write in it. I love elephants. My favourite colour is green. Simple things!
» Be Honest – key! It’s hard to see in black and white what you really think, what you really feel. It can make your toes curl! However once you get into the swing of writing your diary and you’re being truly honest with yourself, this is when you’ll get the most benefit.
» Write about anything you want! That sounds obvious, I know. But I still think it’s worth saying. I’ve captured everything from an amazing sunset I’ve seen, to my bucket list (at that point in time!), to how my heart has been ripped out.
» The key benefits of writing a diary for me personally are:
– The cathartic nature of it. It’s like ‘purging’, getting out all the stuff that’s lurking in your conscious and subconscious. The stuff that makes you feel anxious. The stuff that you think ‘god I’m glad no one can hear this!’ I liken writing in my diary to vomiting out all the poison and negatives that my body and mind doesn’t want. That’s not a beautiful analogy or picture for anyone I know but it sums it up pretty well!!
– It makes the seemingly BIG issues a lot smaller… when I start writing out how I’m feeling, more often than not the thing I’ve been worrying about gets smaller. It’s like saying something out loud, it makes things not as scary, it takes the sting out, it reduces fear.
– If I can work it out with the pen (I know this has happened when I get bored of my own writing and stop!!!) then I don’t need to talk to anyone else. If I can’t, I do.
– I feel closer to myself… when I write in my diary I’m really looking inside myself to see how I feel and get my opinion. It sounds a bit hippy weird, but it’s like having a conversation with another person that’s actually you! You can tap into your subconscious and ideas, thoughts, feelings that you didn’t know you had can pop out.
– It records my life, moments in time, a little piece of history, people, my memories… reading over some of my diaries recently I’ve had many ‘oh my god yes I remember that! Shiiiiit!!’
– I can see behaviour patterns … positive and negative. A common theme throughout my older years diaries is trying to get right my drinking habits, my health, my attitude towards exercise. Have I changed? Am I still doing the same old shit?
– I have proof of my achievements and how far I’ve come… from my diaries I can see just what obstacles and challenges I’ve overcome in my life, how positive I actually am as a person. Which leads nicely into the next point…
– Diaries can give you love and motivation… when you see your positive entries, how proud you are of yourself when you’ve overcome something or worked something out. You can give yourself a pat on the back and a big hug through your diary.
» Look back on your diaries periodically – although it can be toe curling!! Some of my diaries from uni I’m soooo embarrassed about, I cringe when I read some of the entries! (#notsharingthosewithyouever). If you can get through the toe curling cringeyness, and you’ve got the time, absolutely do it. (It’s like going onto Facebook and getting lost down a rabbit hole and emerging several hours later. The difference with diary diving is you don’t come back up thinking ‘what a waste of time that was’). You’ll learn a lot about yourself, and realise the benefits that I’ve outlined in the previous points.
» Write when you want to or need to, not because you feel you have to – don’t beat yourself up if you don’t write every day/ week/ month. Write when it feels right.
Writing in your diary is meant to be something you enjoy doing, something you get a benefit from. If you’re not enjoying it or it’s not helping you, put it away and do something else instead.
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